I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
