You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
50% drunk capacity currently
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
