he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
