he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
