I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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