'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
