He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
