so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
