I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
