my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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