She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
