i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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