You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
