You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
