I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
