I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
