i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
