I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
