she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
