it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
