areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
