eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
