I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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