A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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