just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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