I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
