either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
