I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
