I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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