I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
