So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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