I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
