so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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