So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
