if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
