Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
