I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
