my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
