i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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