Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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