Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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