my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
