help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
