Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
