it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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