What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
two words...techno handjob
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
