I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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