operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
