I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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