I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
