Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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